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The Ramen Girl (updated)

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This is my very first post on Cinema Catechesis…  I’m reposting it with some updates it was a movie I’d never heard of, but was really cute…  In fact, I think I’ve watched it a couple of times since.  It is however, one that you can’t really watch while you’re doing other things due to the large number of subtitles.  So make sure you can be fully attentive if you decide to give it a try.

Abby: I don’t know anything about love. Every time I feel it, it’s gone, it disappears and all I have left is pain and sadness. 

220px-The_Ramen_Girl_posterSometime last week, my husband and I decided to try out an old Brittany Murphy flick The Ramen Girl. On the surface, it’s about a girl, Abby, who follows her boyfriend to Japan – who then leaves her there.

Hurt and confused, Abby stumbles into the Ramen shop across the street. The owners, Maezumi and his wife, think she is homeless or crazy so they feed her in the hopes that she’ll go away. But, somehow, the Ramen fills more than her belly, as she finds consolation in it. She goes back the next day, and the Ramen makes even the saddest patrons laugh. So she decides that she wants to learn the art of Ramen so that she can bring that joy to others.

When I first sat down to write this post, I had no idea that I could pull much out of it. It seems like a pretty straight-forward “fish out of water” type story. However, as I started writing, I was amazed at how deep it really could be. Imagine that the Ramen Shop owner, Maezumi, is Jesus and Abby becomes a disciple, so to speak. So, in looking at this film through the lens of Catechesis, what can we learn?

Disciple on a Journey: We are called to “pick up our cross and follow Jesus.” No one ever said it would be easy, or that at points we wouldn’t feel alone. So, while what got Abby to Japan might have been less than honorable, she passes up the easy road and it’s the challenges she faces that make her stronger in the process. You might even take the leap that the boyfriend was like a shady John the Baptist – and leads Abby to Jesus, although indirectly. So, Abby follows her boyfriend, but becomes a disciple on a journey that takes her much farther than the relationship with the boyfriend would have ever been. And I think we can all agree that the boyfriend isn’t fit to untie Maezumi’s sandals!

Sometimes we have to go back to move forward: When she sets her mind to learn Ramen, Maezumi gives Abby a LONG list of chores. From washing dishes to scrubbing toilets, cleaning tables and washing windows, she learns the value of work, although she isn’t quiet about her distaste for it. For Maezumi, it’s the basics. It’s those things that don’t seem to be related to the end goal, but are actually foundational building blocks. You can have the best food in the whole world, but if the surrounds are dingy, its unlikely people will give it the time of day. So maybe it’s those prayers or scripture passages we don’t want to memorize, maybe it’s basic teachings we don’t think we agree with, but they are all part of the big picture. They all are ingredients in our Ramen.

Sometimes we feel like God must not speak our language:  There is a huge language barrier between Abby and Maezumi. With the help of a dictionary and the occasional interpreter they muddle through, but it is hard, frustrating, and the series of exchanges, though heated, can be quite funny. There’s a lesson here though. You can take it at face value: a stranger in a strange land. However the thing that really pops to mind is that frustration and difficulty we sometimes feel talking to God. We find ourselves on one side spewing out what we think we need and what we expect from Him, all the while feeling that He doesn’t really understand us and often wondering if he’s even listening. Then on the other hand, how often is He trying to talk to us, but we’re too busy trying to get our point across to listen to Him? So check out those exchanges… how do they get resolved or do they?

Put a little of yourself into all you do!  We also learn that all the choice ingredients mean nothing if there’s there’s not a piece of ourselves in it. Maezumi can’t put his finger on what is missing from Abby’s ramen, so he takes her to his mother. Now, this is a deviation from our analogy of Maezumi as Jesus, because we don’t ever see Jesus asking Mary for advice, but he does entrust us to her. “Son, behold your mother. Mother behold your son.“ Yet even that is stretching it for this one, so rather than try to rationalize any further, we’ll get to the point of the exchange: We can talk the talk, but if our hearts aren’t in it, what are we doing it for? We must believe it and put ourselves out there. Because ultimately, aren’t we all looking for the Grand Master’s blessing?!

Reach out and reconcile:  Another point is you can make with this movie is the reconciliation Abby brings about for Maezumi. You see, Maezumi raised his son teaching the art of ramen. However, his son rejects it, despite his great gifts, to be an ITALIAN chef! Maezumi has such a difficult time with this decision. And, in a very un-Jesus-like fashion, Maezumi turns his back and holds in the hurt. In an effort not to ruin it, although it is a minor part of the movie, I’ll hold back the hows and whys here. But hopefully it inspires us to reach out a loving hand to someone we need to reconcile with.

Share your gifts!  **Spoiler Alert!!!** The last point for me is that once Abby has mastered the art of Ramen, she doesn’t stay in Japan. She moves back home, but takes this gift and shares it with others back home in New York. It appears that her place is booming and business is good. Therefore, our lesson is that called to share our gifts with the world, spread the good news of Jesus. I sort of wish I got to see more of how she continues on, but, that is left to our imagination.

Be forewarned, this film does have some scenes depicting alcohol use and Abby does have a brief romance including a bedroom scene. But, if memory serves, it does deserve the PG-13 rating, but isn’t embarrassing enough to worry about showing in a group setting assuming they’re all at least 13.

God Bless!

For more information on the movie, check out http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0806165

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days

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Image Borrowed from IMDB.com

Image Borrowed from IMDB.com

Michelle Rubin: Oh, you are never going to pull this off.

Andie: Watch me. Tonight, I’ll hook a guy. Tomorrow, pull the switch. Before the ten days are up, I’m going to have this guy running for his life.
Jeannie Ashcroft: You’re not going to burn his apartment down or bite him, or anything?
Andie: No! I’m going to limit myself to doing everything girls do wrong in relationships. Basically, everything we know guys hate. I’ll be clingy, needy…
 
Ben: [to himself, on his balcony, waving goodbye to Andy before she gets in her cab] You’re already falling in love with me.
Andie: I’m gonna make you wish you were dead.
[blows away a kiss to Ben up on his balcony]
Andie: Poor guy.

I know most women are sitting there thinking – it’s easy to lose a guy in 10 days!  But, for Andie Anderson (played by Kate Hudson), she just can’t seem to shake this one.  Benjamin Barry (played by Matthew McConahey) is a player and has been challenged to stick it out with one girl AND get her to fall in love with him to prove that he knows how women like to be treated, thus earning him the big account at work – a diamond company.  Andie is a reporter and has been charged with writing an article, “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, “doing all the silly things women do in relationships that messes things up – and do it so well, it will happen in 10 days or less.

A diamond is a long-term commitment:  In other words, no sex.  Despite pushing it a little, Andie and Ben fall for each other first.  It’s amazing how the antics Andie pulls in her effort to try to lose Ben get forgiven because he seems to know that the cool, fun (non-crazy) Andie is just around the corner (not to mention the bet).  In fact, on that first night, they go back to Ben’s apartment and Ben debates with himself about sleeping with her in terms of the diamond account, “A diamond is no one night stand.  A Diamond is a long-term commitment” They also have a little talk about not moving too fast because of the need for respect.  Now they do have sex in the movie (the camera does cut away without showing much)… but I still hold that they were in love first, whether they’d admit it or not.  If I had written the movie, we certainly wouldn’t have seen sex within the first ten days of dating (and preferably not until after getting hitched), but – I guess that’s why Hollywood doesn’t pay me to write.  😉

Clingy and needy are not attractive:  So, the first evils Andie perpetrates to get Ben to dump her are being clingy and needy.  She calls him at work, repeatedly. She calls his Mom without him and manages to help herself to a key to his apartment, etc, etc.   These things obviously disturb Ben – but he’s trying to prove he can keep up with the crazy, so he plays along.  But, had the bet not been in place, you can be sure Andie would have been a goner.

I think this is a good way to introduce the idea to youth that restrictions on communication and other forms of contact are healthy, especially in those beginning stages of the relationship.  Sort of an “absence makes the heart grow fonder” sort of approach.  These restrictions prevent the appearance of being needy or clingy and also help promote the idea that healthy relationships are built slowly.  Honestly, there are a lot of adults who could use a dose of it, too!

Date those you can see spending the rest of your life with, but don’t plan the wedding just yet:  While I agree that you shouldn’t date someone you don’t think has the potential to be the one you spend the rest of your life with, I definitely think that planning your life together within the first ten days is just a little unreal. For some reason though, it seems that with boys and girls, they seem to jump to this.  If I understand everything right, I have a relative who dumped at least three boys for professing undying love and talking marriage within the first two to three dates. I admire the commitment, however, that sort of undying love so early seems a little desperate.  Of course, I also realize that boys say a lot of things to try to get girls in the sack, so I also take the “undying love” with a grain of salt.  So when Andie whips out the Family Album filled with photos merging photos of Andie & Ben to show what their kids would look like, Ben is right to be wierded out!

Using people is a no-no:  We’ve talked about it in other posts, but this movie is centered around two individuals who are using each other.  Andie using Ben for her story, and Ben using Andie to win a bet (and land an account).  It’s an endless cycle and in this movie, it makes for great entertainment.  However, we also see how much it hurts them.  They do overcome it, but it is definitely painful for both.

Frost yourself:  In the movie, the idea is that it will be easier to sell more diamonds if women don’t feel they must have them given to them by men.  Now, I’ll admit, I’m not a big jewelry person, and I did not want to go help pick out my engagement ring.  But, I’ve seen so many women who seem to feel that the size of the ring equates with the size of the love and that being showered with jewels and gifts is critical.  I’ve known plenty who got the big rock, and were divorced in no time, and those who couldn’t afford rings, but stayed together for a lifetime.  Now I am not saying that if you get a big rock, the marriage is doomed for failure.  But it’s not about the rock.  The love, commitment, and willingness to work together is what makes a great marriage.

I would also like to use this point to say that you do have to be comfortable in your own skin before you can truly be comfortable with someone else.  That may mean that any diamonds you sport, may have to be self-purchased. 

Don’t be afraid to call “bullshit:”  So, there’s an ongoing game Bullshit in the Barry household.  And, when Ben and Andie first arrive you hear the word thrown around quite frequently.  But all that aside.  Sometimes those same skills used in Bullshit and poker should be employed in daily life.  It’s hard, sometimes, when you really want to make someone happy to forget yourself, bury your interests and all that, but can you keep that up long-term?  You can call Bullshit on yourself, and should.  We also need to recognize that in others.  We need to encourage others to be themselves – the best version of themselves, but themselves none-the-less.

Okay, so to wrap up, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is rated PG-13 for good reason. There’s enough innuendo, language, close calls with sex and a sensual scene, but if watching this with a teenage girl, there’s some great lessons to be learned if you’ll talk with them about it afterward.  You can even talk about how Ben continues to treat Andie, even when she was being crazy Andie.  For the most part, he is patient and caring…  even if it is for a bet.

Blessings!

Pride & Prejudice

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Pride & Prejudice image borrowed from IMDB.com

Pride & Prejudice image borrowed from IMDB.com

Elizabeth Bennet: So which of the painted peacocks is our Mr. Bingley?
Charlotte Lucas: Well he’s on the right and on the left is his sister.
Elizabeth Bennet: And the person with the quizzical brow?
Charlotte Lucas:That is his good friend, Mr. Darcy.
Elizabeth Bennet: The miserable poor soul!
Charlotte Lucas: Miserable, he may be, but poor he most certainly is not.
Elizabeth Bennet: Tell me.
Charlotte Lucas: Ten thousand a year and he owns half of Derbyshire.
Elizabeth Bennet: The miserable half? 
 

Pride & Prejudice originally was a book written by Jane Austen. It has been adapted for just about every possible performance type and made more than once for the silver screen.  I’ll admit that I’ve never read the book…  but I do hope to.  With so many versions out there, I’m going to limit myself, for the purposes of this entry to the 2005 version where Keira Knightly portrays Elizabeth (aka Lizzie) Bennet.

A quick synopsis for those who don’t know the story:  Pride & Prejudice is the story of the Bennett family and all the drama that surrounds the need for the five daughters to marry well since being female prohibits them from inheriting the estate on which they live.  The eldest daughter, Jane, is quite known for her beauty   and Elizabeth is pretty, but not considered nearly as beautiful as Jane.  The middle daughter is very quiet and homely but plays the piano quite well.  The other two girls, Lydia & Kitty, are quite silly and get quite a reputation as such.  The majority of the film centers around Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy.  Mr. Darcy is very shy, not easy to talk to, and seems like he has a cloud of negativity surrounding him.  He and Elizabeth seem like polar opposites although despite the appearance of being upbeat, Elizabeth seems very negative when it comes to matters of the heart.  So, through a series of overheard conversations, assumptions, misunderstandings and confessions the viewer is drawn in to one of the great love stories of all time.

So what can we gain from what most people see as just a beautiful love story?

Not everyone wears their emotions on their sleeve.  One thing that’s obvious from Pride & Prejudice, as in life, is that not everyone shows their emotions the same way.  An attempt not to seem to eager can come off as indifferent or hateful.  Just because someone does not react the way you think they should, doesn’t make it wrong.  In many cases, there is much more to the story. Surely you’ve seen this in how people handle issues of the day.  Some of the sweetest, most thoughtful people I know are perceived to be “cold fish” when they first meet someone…  and we could go all day on how different people handle grief.  So we do have to be conscious of these differences in our everyday lives, especially when we do not know others particularly well, if at all.

There’s always another side to the story. Maybe it’s naïve, maybe it already happens, but I think that when people are running for a major office, they should, once they’ve gotten pretty close to the end of the campaign, be taken into a room and brought up to speed on all the important stuff going on from the inside track.  I truly believe this is the reason for at least 50% of the broken campaign promises.  Once they really see the full picture, it’s not as simple as it looked on the campaign trail.  We see something similar in Pride & Prejudice.  Mr. Wickham tells a story of how he and Mr. Darcy are acquainted and Elizabeth takes it as gospel because of how little she thinks of Mr. Darcy.   Also, Elizabeth doesn’t discuss the various exchanges she has with Mr. Darcy after their first terse encounters.  So when she has a change of heart about Mr. Darcy, everyone believes the worst of him and can’t understand why she has made such a complete turn around.  There’s always more to the story.  The trick is realizing it and seeking the truth.  Do you notice it in your workplace, or with your family?  When both sides come out, things usually make much more sense.  Think about this in terms of Church history.  When you hear that “Catholics used to chain up the bibles” it’s usually to make Catholics feel like the Church was withholding the Bible from the people.  But, when you consider that this accusation was pre-printing press and that bibles were hand copied and there weren’t really that many copies – and they definitely weren’t cheap, it makes much more sense.  Look at how we interpret Sacred Scripture.  There are so many stories where one small historical or cultural detail brings worlds of clarity.  Make sure you seek the big picture.

Assumptions get you into trouble.  I won’t repeat the old saying, but in some ways its killing me not to.  Nearly every character in Pride & Prejudice makes assumptions.  Either assuming to know another characters feelings, assuming the accuracy of a story that may be some form of half truth or that they can predict the actions of others.  Assumptions lead to lots of problems.  Now, that doesn’t mean that you can’t look ahead, or try to read between the lines, but don’t take it for certain until the proof is there.  These characters assume that they’ve got all the information, when in reality missing pieces make a huge difference.  Think about some times in your life where you made assumptions or had assumptions made about you?  How did they make you feel?

We wouldn’t tease you if we didn’t love you.  Elizabeth is constantly teasing, even when propriety would suggest she should not do so.  We see that her Father has a similar sense of humor. Obviously, not everyone finds this sort of behavior acceptable, especially Lady Catherine, but for Elizabeth, that’s just the way she is.  I have to admit, this is probably the trait I most admire in Elizabeth, but then, I come from a family whose motto is “We wouldn’t tease you if we didn’t love you.”  But, it is something we need to be aware of, both in others and ourselves.  One senior gentleman I deal with regularly teases so close to my insecurities, it took me a long time to realize that he really was kidding.  But after watching him with others, and having a few more exchanges with him myself, I realized that he really was teasing me, that he didn’t mean things the way I was taking them and that he didn’t waste time with those he didn’t care for.  I almost missed getting to know a great guy.  What teasing have you gotten lately?  Was it helpful and relaxed or hurtful?

What is “pride”?  So, we’ve hit on many of the prejudice parts of the movie, but how about pride?  There is a lot of “pride” going around.  Pride in status and breeding, pride in accomplishment, family pride, and pride in self.  We need a certain amount of pride in our lives and not all pride is bad.  But we see the negative side of pride in this flick.  So many of the characters are so full of pride, they don’t seem to see their faults and are very quick to point out the shortcomings of others.  What ways do you think that pride is helpful?  In what ways is it hurtful?

Pride & Prejudice is classic, beautiful and romantic.  It’s got a PG rating and is very clean, apart from a little light kissing at the end.  However, I have a feeling that only artsy teens and adults will enjoy this film.  And hey, if it inspires anyone to read any of Austen’s work, isn’t that a good thing?!

In Her Shoes

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Borrowed from IMDB.com

Borrowed from IMDB.com

Maggie Feller: I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. Anywhere I go, you go, my dear. And whatever is done by only me… is your doing, my darling. I fear no fate… for you are my fate, my sweet. I want no world, for, beautiful… you are my world, my true. Here is the deepest secret no one knows. Here is the root of the root… and the bud of the bud… and the sky of the sky of a tree called life… which grows higher than the soul can hope… or mind can hide. It is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.

Okay, so now its time to get in touch with the feminine…  Sorry guys, but this one is a chick flick.  Not to say you can’t get something out of it, but I’m just saying that the ladies in your life will probably identify with this one more than you will.

In Her Shoes is a story of sisters, their differences and the bond they share with their family.  Toni Collette plays Rose, the straight-laced and responsible sister.  Then there’s the flighty, flirtatious and frustrating Maggie, played by Cameron Diaz.  As different as these two sisters are, they need each other.  Their mother died when they were young.  Their father re-married a woman they don’t like and have been sheltered from a grandmother who had just a bit of a tendency to try to tell everyone what to do.  But, the girls are divided when Maggie breaks the oldest of the girl codes, by sleeping with Rose’s boyfriend.  Maggie has managed to burn her last bridge with everyone close to her.  But as luck would have it, in the process of pilfering around for cash, finds out about a Grandmother she thought was dead.  So, she takes off for a retirement home in Florida to sponge of her Grandmother.  In the meantime, Rose quits her job, gets a new boyfriend and tries to act like Maggie didn’t exist.

While in Florida, Maggie bonds with the Grandma she barely remembers and takes a job in the nursing center. There, she befriends a blind man who helps her build confidence in something other than her looks.  Rose does some growing of her own, but all the questions about Maggie’s whereabouts plaque her.  Then, Rose learns that there’s a Grandmother she didn’t know about, and she heads off to Florida and she finds herself face to face with Maggie.  During the visit, the girls start sharing and learn a little family history.  I’ll leave the rest to you to see for yourself.

Okay, so I promised that there was something to learn from this…  grab those Jimmy Choo’s and let’s go!

1.  Family is….  well, complicated.  Okay, so this one is a “no-brainer.”  As much as we need family, we really can hurt the ones we love the most.  Add to that, the fact that sometimes the ones we love need us to step back and let them make mistakes.  It’s hard to know when to hold them close and when to step back and it is such a fine line that it’s almost invisible.  However if we really listen to them, we should be able to find it before it’s gets too much either way.  They say we’re given one mouth and two ears for a reason.  So maybe our loved ones don’t need to hear every way they’re wrong.  I’ve got to get better at this one myself.

2.  There is a bond between sisters.     Between a combination of God’s grace, circumstance and parents who apparently liked each other, I have three sisters.  We are all very different, but each of us shares a different bond with each other.  There are fourteen years difference between the ages of oldest and the youngest.  We’ve set rules between us – we may not have written them down, but over time they’ve been established by years of being together as a family.  The topics we talk about, those we don’t…  and those we just shake our head at.  We see that with Rose and Maggie.  They share everything.  You can tell that when Rose and Maggie are reunited, Maggie is upset that she’s missed out on some major changes in Rose’s life.  And, as much as she wants to, Rose can’t stay angry with Maggie.  What I find fascinating is that Simon picks up on the how Maggie’s absence affects Rose.  As much as he loves her, he can tell that something is wrong…  he can’t seem to put his finger on it, but when he meets up with Rose in Florida, he can tell she’s back to herself.  He could see that Rose was not whole without Maggie.

3.  Perspective makes a difference.  It’s always amazing to me how two people can witness the same events and have completely different conclusions about them.  In the case of Rose and Maggie, the fact that Maggie was very little and was isolated from a lot of the craziness surrounding their early childhood and the death of their mother may have spared her a lot of the seriousness that Rose embodies.  Somehow, Rose always knew that her mother committed suicide but that was a new revelation to Maggie, who had always seen her Mother’s irregular behavior as just being really fun.  She recounts a story of her mother putting a tiara in her lunchbox one day.  The thought it was awesome that she got a tiara, however, she didn’t get lunch. Perspective. 

4.  Find what you love and stick with it.  I’ve said it over and over again, but it bears repeating.  Maggie discovers she has a talent for shopping for the ladies in the retirement village.  She loves to shop, and she manages to put it to use helping ladies these ladies to dress for weddings and other special events without having to fight shopping with their walkers, limited energy and various ailments.  She loves it and is good at it.  At the same time, Rose, quits working as a lawyer.  Simon tells her he thought it was because she loved it.  She admits, however, that it was not that she loved it, but that she was afraid of who she would be without it.  How often do we find ourselves doing something because it’s all we know (and not in a good way)?  It’s risky, and very scary, but something to think about.

5.  Don’t use people.  Help users find their niche.  I know, it’s obvious, but Maggie uses the people in her life until they can’t stand it anymore.  Her Grandmother allows it for a little while, but then manages to find a compromise where Maggie feels like she’s gaining and is able to build up some confidence.  I really don’t think she felt confident enough in herself to do any better before the deal.  Maybe that’s because she was babied her whole life, or maybe she just figured out that it worked and stuck with it.  Either way, it appears that once she really has a direction, the using stops.  One of the best methods of discipline is redirection.  How can we channel negative behaviors into positive ones?

In Her Shoes is rated PG-13 for good reason.  We start off with both Rose and Maggie having intercourse with their respective partners, and there is more as the movie progresses.  But for the most part, that’s over once the big fight erupts.  There’s also some innuendo and senior men gawking at Maggie strutting around in a string bikini and various low-cut or revealing outfits.

Whether you have a sister, or not, I hope you have someone you feel like you can share things with and I pray you won’t ever have to be tested in the manner that the relationship between Rose and Maggie is tested.  God Bless!

With Honors

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With HonorsMonty: Why did you say that I was a loser?
Simon Wilder: Winners forget they’re in a race, they just love to run. You try too hard.

Monty: Simon wrote his own obituary, and he asked me to read it. “Simon B. Wilder bit it on Wednesday.”
[they laugh]
Monty: “He saw the world out of the porthole of a leaky freighter, was a collector of memories, and interrupted a lecture at Harvard. In 50 years on earth he did only one thing he regretted. He is survived by his family: Jeff Hawks, who always remembers to flush; Everett Calloway, who knows how to use words; Courtney Blumenthal, who is strong, and also knows how to love; and by Montgomery Kessler, who will graduate life with honor, and without regret.”

Quotes borrowed from:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111732/quotes?ref_=tt_trv_qu

Years back, I got the opportunity to spend a semester in Rome.  In preparations for the trip, a student who had been the previous semester was advising the group of us to make sure we really took in the sights we were going to be encountering; clarifying that he saw too many people who were so focused on capturing the sights through the lens of a camera and not ever stopping to just take in the beauty that the camera can’t capture.  That same advice would have been ignored by our lead character, Monty, played by Brendan Frasier until a series of events brings the homeless Simon Wilder, played by Joe Pesci, into Monty’s life.  Simon, on the other had – would have been content to catalog his experiences in a series of rocks, rather than miss the breathtaking scenes around him.

With Honors begins with Monty meeting with a professor about his thesis and Monty is assured that if all continues on the path he will graduate Summa Cum Laude.  But, when a computer meltdown sends him running to copy his only hardcopy of the first ten chapters, Monty manages to drop his precious thesis and it falls into the boiler room of Harvard’s Widner Library.  So, Monty sneaks to get his paper only to find it being tossed page by page into a furnace by Simon.  They strike a deal, that for each good thing Monty does for Simon, he gets one page of his precious thesis.  It is through this process that not only does Monty learn to see life as something more than a series of tasks, but he also learns that even a homeless bum is a human and therefore precious.

So, I’ve already told you to two of the biggest lessons…but how, and what else can we pull out of With Honors? 

1.  There’s nothing wrong with achievement, but don’t lose yourself along the way.  Whatever it is that drives Monty, his childhood, his desire to do good in the world or the desire to be the best; he’s so bogged down in the academic that he’s missing college life, ignoring his feelings and not seeing the good he could do now.  Monty’s page-by-page interaction with Simon forces him to slow down and to re-evaluate life (and his thesis).

2.  All human life is precious.  Simon is a bum.  He’s well-travelled and self-educated, but for whatever reason, is a homeless wino who left his wife and young son many years prior.  Monty starts off helping him only because his thesis is being held for ransom.  Monty’s roommates don’t want anything to do with him…he is ridiculed by one of Monty’s professors and basically everyone he encounters.  While visiting his son, a little girl comes running out and asks her daddy (Simon’s son) who the man in their driveway is, to which he replies “nobody.”  But Simon is human, as are all those who are in similar straits as well as the affluent.  One of Monty’s roommates, Jeff, is particularly scared by Simon.  Finally Simon calls him on it telling him that the reason Jeff doesn’t like him is because Simon looks how Jeff feels.  I wonder if that’s true for a lot of us…

3.  The best relationships come from friendship. Monty is in love with his roommate, Courtney.  They are obviously very close friends… but with a little push from Simon, Monty finally lets Courtney know how he feels.

4.  You can do your best to right your wrongs, but people may still hold a grudge. Simon goes to visit his son and it’s pretty clear that his son isn’t about to “forgive and forget.”  But, you can only do so much.  Maybe, if Simon could have lived longer he’d have seen a true reconciliation with his son.  But, given the constraints of his life, he didn’t have much choice.  So, you have to do what you can do…  but in the end, you have to live with the consequences and forgive yourself when there’s nothing else left.  The other line behind this is – do what you can not to have to right any wrongs.

5.  Sometimes the biggest regrets are not the things you’ve done, but the things that are left undone. How often do you wish you’d taken a chance?  What about telling someone special how you feel?  It takes a little prodding, but finally Monty gets it.  Simon finally goes to see his Son.  It didn’t go well, but he did it, he got to see his granddaughter.  Maybe if he could have stepped up the pace a little – things might have gone differently.  In any case, I’m not saying that you need to jump on every opportunity or chance for change that breezes past.  We do need to make decisions about which ones are really important, and which ones we need to allow to float past.  Maybe the question to ask yourself is “Will this be something I will really care about in 5, 10 or 20 years?”

6.  Write your own obituary.  In the film, Simon has a collection of obituaries and is studying them to write his own.  Simon actually writes that he “bit it” and lists that he left his wife and son, owning up publicly to something he could easily have chosen to keep private, sort of a public confession.  Have you ever thought about your obituary?  What points of your life would you want in print?   Does your family know what to put in for you?  Take the time to write it.  Does it make you see your life differently?  Does it make you feel like you’re busy for nothing?  You might find it helpful in prioritizing your life, but maybe it can also be something that can help your family in the event of your demise.  Hopefully, you’ll get to revise it MANY times before such an event happens, but none-the-less, it might be a great starting point for that end of life planning you’ve been putting off.

With Honors is PG-13 for good reason.  The “end” of Monty’s friendship with Courtney is left to the imagination although they are in bed together at one point. There is a quick shot of Monty’s rear when he jumps out of bed to help Simon.  Other than that, there are a lot of sex jokes and innuendo that infiltrate most of the movie.  But, if you’re wavering, I’d say the lesson learned is important enough to make it worthy.  It might also be that you could use clips to illustrate certain points about seeing others as human and how we can help each other.

The Letter Writer

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So I had a quiet day at the office doing simple tasks like licking about 500 envelopes, so I put my Netflix account to use and stumbled upon The Letter Writer.  It’s another one that I never heard about but found it to be quite a gem.  So teenage singer Maggie has been having trouble at school and at home… her best friend betrays her, but just prior to all the mess, she receives a seemingly personal  letter from someone she doesn’t know.  It’s not the sort of personal letter that a stalker would send, but an uplifting and inspiring one.  A quick run through her family doesn’t find the letter’s author, so the resourceful young lady heads to the post office, where a carrier just happens to have another letter written to someone else but in the same handwriting.  So the chase leads to a retirement home – and luck or divine providence leads her to the letter’s author, Sam.

She is led through all the things Sam does.  He teachers her very valuable life lessons – and she has a bit of a conversion.  I’ll leave the summary there so I don’t spoil it any more than I already have…

So, what do we learn in The Letter Writer?  First, do what you do to the best of your ability.  Sam (the Letter Writer) writes beautiful, encouraging notes that uplift and inspire.  He does it every day and for random strangers.  Maggie asks him to teach her, but he says that he doesn’t know if it’s her gift.  She has to find her own gift and use it to help others.  Maybe it is letter writing, but most likely, it’s not.

Second, little things.  Sort of like in Contact, it’s the small moves.  Sam writes notes.  Not novels, not newspaper articles…  notes.  Small gestures, that mean the world to the recipients.  Sometimes just little things that are done do more than huge overtures.

The next lesson is about using your gifts to help others.  Sam could have used his talents to write a novel, or something else, but instead, he chose to bless others with his eloquent words through the letters and notes.  Maggie loves to sing, and finds her voice is her talent, and uses it to bring joy to others.  She also records books onto CD for a young boy in her building with cancer.  What talents do you have?  Are you using them at all?  Are you working on them?  Are you using them to help others?  Sometimes its hard to see how you can use your talents…  you think they’re not helpful to others – but for most every talent, there’s a need.  Maybe you have a great mind for tax law – can you give some time to help someone who cannot afford hiring someone to do their taxes and is not able to do it themselves.  Maybe you think you have a silly talent – organize a silly talent show and take it on the road to the local nursing homes or one big show for a favorite charity – or specifically invite those who don’t get to get out much…  Offer small classes with your talents.  You never know when someone is just looking for a reason to get out of the house.  There’s always something that can be done.

Also notice that Sam doesn’t force his talent on Maggie.  I’m sure he was honored that she wanted to learn how to write letters as he does, but he recognized that she was being called to something else.  Sometimes that’s the hardest thing, isn’t it…  to help others recognize their talents?  We tend to think people know what they’re good at, but how often do we see people frustrated and feeling inadequate.  It’s usually because they really don’t know where they fit, or because they just don’t have enough confidence in what they do.  We can help them find their place, it may take some time, but everyone has something.

Another great lesson is have something worth getting up for each day.  It appears that Sam has no living family, just his friends in the nursing home.  But, he sets his mind to write these letters and notes every day to have something to get up for.  I once heard that George Burns even at a very advanced age had planned events as much as ten years down the road.  It gave him a reason to keep going.  I’ve even heard that many animals live longer if they feel like they have something to do.  I think, simply put, we need something to help keep up our will to live.  What are your reasons to get up each day?

Another lesson Sam passes to Maggie is the age-old – surround yourself with the sort of people you want to be.  If you are a liar and cheat, you will attract those sort of people and you’ll never be able to trust them.  But if you surround yourself with people you aspire to be more like (hopefully faith filled people, whatever your faith), you’ll find yourself falling more easily into habits of prayer, joy and love.  He also teaches her to support those you love.  He and a friend come to Maggie’s concert, even though it’s not their type of music.

I hope, that whatever your reasons for getting up each day, you’ll take part of it to try to help brighten someone else’s day.  Even if it’s just holding a door open with a smile.  I also challenge you to try to discern (if you haven’t already) how your talent(s) can benefit others and how you can help others identify their talents!

God Bless!

The Family Stone

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family_stoneSo, my husband challenged me a while back to try to find something teachable in The Family Stone.  I’m not sure if that was because he didn’t think I’d be able to do anything with it, or what.  However, there are few movies I bother with that don’t have something worth learning in them – even if it’s by making sure to do the complete opposite.  So I accepted the challenge.  Plus, being set during the holidays – maybe it will help anyone who’s a slightly cynical soul looking for a holiday movie that’s not “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “The Grinch that Stole Christmas.”

The Family Stone is the classic, “bring the girlfriend home to meet the parents” movie.  Everything that can go wrong, does – and throw in some dark humor with a dying parent, a switcheroo and you’ve got it.  Dermot Mulroney plays Everett Stone and Sarah Jessica Parker plays his girlfriend Meredith Morton.  Diane Keaton and Craig T. Nelson are Everett’s parents and Rachel McAdams and Luke Wilson play Everett’s siblings (there’s another brother and sister, too, who are recognizable but not listed among the movie’s star roles).  Meredith is already on edge after a rocky lunch with Everett’s sister Amy (McAdams) as Everett takes her to meet his parents for Christmas.  Meredith is stiff and while she means well, just about everything she does is seen as pretentious and snotty.  So, when Everett asks his mother for the family engagement ring, she refuses.  Not to be stopped, Everett soldiers on and buys a ring to propose to Meredith.  Due to all that has gone wrong, Meredith asks her sister, Julie (played by Claire Danes), to join her so she’s at least got someone on her side.  Add some alcohol and reuniting with some old friends and you have the essence of The Family Stone.

Despite its PG-13 rating, I wouldn’t show this to a young group of teens.  The situations encountered are very adult, plus the sex and drug references might be uncomfortable for many.  Some may also find the incredibly liberal Stone household offensive.  So consider yourself warned if you think that may concern you.  If you decide to give it a try what can you get out of it?

1.  Let your freak flag fly.  In other words, be yourself.  Maybe Meredith really was being herself, but based on what we see later in the movie, her nerves had her putting on airs – and it definitely wasn’t appreciated in the Stone household.  In fact, it’s commented on that she seems so insecure that they don’t think she knows herself.  Then Julie arrives on the scene.  Julie is natural, unassuming, and seems to get along with the Stones just fine; so much so, that she can’t see why Meredith wanted her to come so badly.  Once she loosened up, Meredith showed that she really could be fun.  We also see that Meredith is a thoughtful person when it’s all said and done.

2.  Sometimes there’s more to the story than we realize.  Sybil Stone, Everett’s mother has a reoccurrence of her cancer.  She and Kelly (Nelson) have opted not to tell the family until after Christmas has passed.  Ironically, Ben (Wilson), who you might claim was the oblivious one in the family, is the one who figures it out first.  Sybil’s need to make sure that all of the kids are taken care of before her death comes out as being overbearing and unforgiving, at least as far a Meredith is concerned.  She even makes the comment that it’s not her (Meredith) that’s the problem, it’s just that she and Everett aren’t a good fit and she doesn’t think she’ll be around to help him sort it out.  It does eventually all come out, but it’s not until most of the damage is already done.  We also see that twice Everett is asked if his insistance on proposing to Meredith has to do with Sybil’s condition and everyone seems to doubt that he really loves her anyway.  How often do we rush into something trying to beat some sort of clock?  Maybe it’s the fear of death, maybe it’s sibling rivalry, but we’ve all got to sit back and let a certain divine clock be the only clock we want to keep in time with.

3.  Anger isn’t worth hanging on to.  Amy Stone (McAdams) seems to be so angry and defensive, as does Sybil.  Sybil’s feelings seem justified and Amy’s may be too…  but it doesn’t help anything.  All it managed to do is lay out a minefield even the nicest person would have difficulties navigating.  Believe me, Meredith finds each and every one of them!  Carrying around that anger didn’t make them happier, or even give them any satisfaction.  But, once they put the anger aside, everything goes MUCH smoother.

4. Sometimes we need to put up with people we don’t care for, for the ones we love.  When Everett tells his family off just before taking Meredith to a nearby inn, he tells them just that…  No matter what they think of her, they should be respectful because she is the woman he loves.  The same goes for everyone really.  We should love others because God loves them – and out of love for Him, we love and respect our fellow man.  Simple on the surface, but definitely harder in practice!

5.  There’s a hole in your heart.  Julie tells a story about a guy in Alaska that carved an amazing totem pole, he felt called to do it, saying that he felt like he had a hole in heart something he needed to do to be able to sleep at night.  It’s a minor part of the film, but its sort of the thing that brings her and Everett together.  Earlier in the film we see that when Everett and Meredith met, Everett was trying to get out to a monastary with the largest metal Budda statue.  He feels like he needs to do this – but Meredith seems to think it’s silly.  How often do you feel called to do something?  Do you feel like you have a hole in your heart that needs to be filled, something so important to you that it keeps you awake at night?  Do others “get” what you are trying to do? Why you feel like you need to do it?

I will say that every time I’ve seen The Family Stone, I’ve noticed a different detail of it.  It was one of those movies that I didn’t care for the first time I watched it (most likely due to the over the top liberal Stone family compounded by the fact that I just don’t care for Sarah Jessica Parker), but for some reason, I was still drawn to see it again – and at this point I’ve watched it many times…  The romantic in me likes it that we see how the re-arrangement of the couples and finding someone for all the singles makes for a much more pleasant dynamic.  Maybe there’s something to be said for how those around us affect our behavior.  Or maybe it’s just that everything worked out the way it was supposed to, regardless of the arguing, bantor and sheer bull-headedness!

For more information check out:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0356680/

Hitch

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What most attracted you to your significant other, or any of your friends?  Why do we think we have to be the “ideal” rather than ourselves when we meet people, especially those we consider potential mates?  Hitch deals with just those questions.  But, rather than bolstering the self-esteem of the clients he works with, he tries to teach them how to be cool to attract the object of the client’s affection.

Hitch, played by Will Smith, takes on a client named Albert Brennaman (played by Kevin James) who has totally lost it over the beautiful socialite Allegra Cole (played by Amber Alletta).  Hitch also has his own love interest, with whom his relationship has a much bumpier time getting off the ground.  Add to all that, that Hitch’s girl, Sara Melas (played by Eva Mendes) is a reporter trying to expose the so-called “date doctor.”  It makes for a funny, but very meaningful film.

At first it appears that Hitch’s smooth lines, grooming tips and list of dating dos and don’ts are really the way to the heart of the girl of your dreams.  And, while they do help, somehow it turns out that when the true feelings are exposed it’s when those brief glimpses of the real person are shown that the connection is really made.  So, I think this can best be summarized as “be courteous (as we all should), but be yourself.”  What good is it to work so hard to attract someone if you have to keep up a false facade?  It’s too hard to keep up that mask, and one day you’ll both wake up wondering who you really are.  Albert is told not to dance, but he does anyway when he thinks Allegra isn’t watching.  He’s told not to use his inhaler, but he does anyway (then chucks it in a sudden burst of courage).  He just can’t hold his true self in.  Similar things happen to Hitch.  Despite his attempt to be cool and suave, an allergic reaction not only makes him look like he has some sort of disease, the medication he takes for it make him talk and say things he would never say if he wasn’t under the influence.

Another point to be made in this movie is “Don’t jump to conclusions!!!!”  We tend to pigeon-hole people into areas based on what we see and in the process we might miss out on getting to know someone wonderful.  We see a great example of this with the whole Albert and Allegra part of the movie.  No one can see what she sees in him, both in his appearance and awkwardness.  It makes the idea that there is a mysterious date doctor out there so much more probable.

On that same track, Sara’s friend Casey, has a one night stand with a man she thinks she has a connection to.  As he’s leaving, he comments “date doctor my a**” which she takes to mean that she’s been played by someone who’s a client of Hitch’s.  However, in reality, Hitch refused to work with Casey’s one-night-wonder because he tries to connect people who are in love, not just out for tail.  So, Casey shares the story with her bestie, Sara, who ultimately learns that Hitch is the date doctor.  Then, rather than confront him about it, she blows up in a truly psychotic fashion and exposes him publicly, which then puts Albert and Allegra in the hot seat with him, along with many of Hitch’s former clients.

Another thing is look in this film is to look for the good in others.  If you are looking for the good, you’ll see their soul, which has the capacity to be beautiful for eternity.  But if you’re looking for what looks good, those looks are fleeting and won’t really satisfy you at the end of the day.  I hope it goes unsaid that if you look at the soul and see evil – just run.  If they don’t treat people well – and I’m talking bums to bosses, they probably won’t treat you well.  Granted, everyone has the capacity to change…  but you can’t make them do it, it has to come from within themselves.

Hitch makes a plea to Sara at one point explaining what he does as trying to get women (as most of his clients are men) to get out of “their own way” (of being) so that they will even give guys like Albert a chance.  How often do we have preconceived notions of our “type.”  We find it easy to blow off potential mates by saying that he or she isn’t our type.  But what would happen if we dropped our idea of type to try to get to know someone who may not be the type we planned for ourselves, but the type we are called to love.  In most great relationships, there is a balance.  Couples complement each other.  “Complement” meaning complementary personalities, skills and demeanor, not that they give complements to each other constantly (which could be nice, too)…  They really can’t be too alike or complete opposites.  There’s something there, but sometimes we just have to look beyond the surface.

Love versus sex.  Since Hitch refuses to work with those who are just out for sex, we see that this date doctor is a likable guy who, despite his methods, is really a romantic.  And, Hitch’s idea that the pursuit of love is more honorable than the pursuit of sex is pretty consistent with the rest of the characters.  We see those in pursuit of sex portrayed as shallow and loathsome.  While a lot of movies out there portray characters who learn that love is better than sex, this is one of the few that portrays it all the way through and doesn’t have to show the big conversion.

Hitch is rated PG-13 for some language and strong sexual references, but there isn’t an actual sex scene, which is refreshing.  And, due to the love versus sex undertones, some discussion of sex actually seems appropriate to get the point across.

For more info, check out http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0386588/

Keeping Up With the Steins

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We try everything we can do to help students know what Confirmation really means, right?! Well, Keeping Up with the Steins is about the journey of Benjamin Fiedler, who is preparing for his Bar-Mitzvah. Throw in a long-lost Grandpa and the strained relationship with he family he left, and you’ve got a funny yet touching flick that really gets a look at how secular some of our most sacred traditions have become.

The father, Adam Fiedler (played by Jeremy Piven) constantly downplays the importance of the Bar-Mitzvah, all consumed in planning the ultimate party and out doing his business competition. Young Ben invites his long lost grandfather, Irwin Fiedler (played by Garry Marshall), who in addition to being known and disliked for the way he left his family, is leading lifestyle much different than that of the family he left with his MUCH younger girlfriend (played by Daryl Hannah), and Adam’s focus switches to how to get through the Bar Mitzvah without being totally embarrassed by Irwin. In any case, the real significance of the event is lost on Adam and Ben is left trying to find the meaning in this rite of passage.

So Benjamin is trying to figure out what it all means and asks questions of all those around him, well, except the Rabbi because he seems intent to spend as little time in the Hebrew classes as possible. If it wasn’t for Irwin, poor Benjamin would remain to wallow in doubt and confusion. Irwin takes the time to work with Benjamin, talk to the Rabbi, and interact with others in a way that Benjamin not only studies the Haf Torah, he really starts to understand and believe in it.

Since Bar Mitzvah’s occur during approximately the same time we confer the Sacrament of Confirmation, and our Candidates for the sacrament are having to take ownership of their faith, much like our Jewish brethren. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist see the correlation. So, I encourage everyone to go back to the time of your Confirmation, what questions did you have? Who helped you deal with them? How was it viewed in your family (rite of passage, gracious gift from God, boring thing they had to sit through a two-hour mass for)?

If you’re reading this and you’re not of a faith that believe in Confirmation or the Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, think about why you do what you do in terms of faith & spirituality. Do you do it because it is expected, or because you really believe? Have you ever gotten wrapped up in the comercialization of a Religious event or holiday?

The other thing this movie brings to the table is the reconciliation between Adam and Irwin. Adam has a very hard time forgiving Irwin, even though Adam’s mother (played by Doris Roberts) forgave him long ago and still loves him. It takes Ben having a bit of a meltdown to get them to really talk and start to see what happened. Who do we need to reconcile with in our lives? Maybe it’s a parent, maybe a sibling or a child… but when we look at the situation(s) from their point of view would we understand their actions a little better, even if we still don’t approve or the result?

I’m also impressed at how Benjamin handles his struggle. Many kids would have given up… or just have gone along with it for the party and / or gifts. However, Benjamin truly wants to know what he’s doing and feel comforatable with it. There’s certainly honor in that – even if he does make a mis-step or two in the process.

Now, as much as I recommend this movie – especially if you need a little help diving into this type of conversation with a young candidate, I must warn you, it’s PG-13 for some brief rear nudity and alcohol use, so you’ll need to preview it before you show it to anyone at Bar-Mitzvah age. =] Enjoy!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0415949/trailers-screenplay-vi736035097

50 First Dates

26 Friday Oct 2012

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50 First Dates50 First Dates is one of those movies I wanted to hate, but for whatever reason, I couldn’t. I’m not much of and Adam Sandler fan. I really don’t care for Rob Schnieder. The humor is juvenile and silly, but what girl wouldn’t be totally impressed by a guy who works to make her fall in love with him every day?

So we start off getting to see Sandler’s character, Henry Roth, as the ultimate player. He only dates tourists and Hawaii is obviously full of them. But ultimately, Henry wants to sail up to Alaska to study walruses.

On one of his test drives with his work-in-progress boat, he gets stuck and finds himself waiting for help in a little cafe where he meets Drew Barrymore, who plays Lucy. Their first meeting seems magical and they spend quite a while talking, all seems to be going well. They part ways but Henry can’t get Lucy out of his mind.

So, Henry goes back to the cafe and tries to talk to Lucy – who has a MUCH different reaction than she did before. The cafe owner tells Henry about Lucy’s condition in that she cannot retain any new memories. Each night when she sleeps, it erases the day. While this is the PERFECT out for Henry, he just can’t stay away. So, he goes to the cafe each day and tries various things to get Lucy to talk to him again.

Lucy’s father & brother recreate the day of Lucy’s accident down to the last detail… the football game that was on TV that day, the birthday present they re-wrap each night so it can be given again, a whole stack of newspapers from the day – they cover every base they can. However, through a series of events, their game plan gets changed and they (with Henry) try a new strategy.

As much as Lucy can’t retain memories, certain patterns start to form and even her Dad can see the good Henry has done for her. But, Lucy fears her condition is keeping Henry from doing what he really wants and so she erases him from her life.

So, what do we learn from 50 First Dates? Well, a few things…

1. Conversion is possible. Henry was a player, but his feelings for Lucy made him better. And, shock of all shocks, SHE DIDN’T TRY TO CHANGE HIM!! Henry came to realize on his own how important his connection to Lucy was and all those hot toursistas just didn’t have the same appeal. But that change needs to come from within. If Lucy had tried to change Henry, we wouldn’t have seen his conversion. He might have done what she wanted in hopes of sexual rewards, but it would not have been a true conversion, and when she let him go, he would have happily moved back to what he was doing before meeting her.

2. What we do does affect others, even if we don’t see it, and many times even if they don’t acknowledge it. So, Lucy’s dad points out to Henry that she only sings on the days that she runs into Henry. Then later we see that she’s been artistically re-creating images of him, even though she claims she doesn’t know who he is. Even though she doesn’t remember him consciously, she does remember him subconsciously. How often have you walked away from an exchange with someone and kicked yourself for what you didn’t say, or read more into it than you’d previously thought was there? Everyone has those sort of experiences. Most everything affects us more than we realize – so be careful.

3. Laugh at yourself. Just about every character has certain traits that you can’t help but laugh at. There’s even a few jokes about Lucy’s “broken head.” We can’t take ourselves too seriously.

4. Fall in love every day. I think any and every relationship needs at least a little of this. There is always a certain “ebb and flow” to a relationship. We need to remind ourselves on occasion why we stay with our certain someone and maybe that’s why we celebrate anniversaries and Valentines Day as prescribed times to spend extra time and remind us to fall in love again. We really need to take a lesson from Henry here and work a little harder at this. And hey, most of us have the advantage of having partners who remember the things from the days and weeks before, so this should be significantly easier for the average joe! 😉

Much of the humor is quite crude and I find it sad that the filmmakers seemed to need so much of it with such a great story. If you decide to show this flick, you might want not want it to be a co-ed audience to prevent any awkwardness. However, most everyone has heard this type humor at school, work or somewhere, so I’ll let you judge what your comfortable with.

Want to learn more about the movie, check out http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0343660/

God Bless!