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The Way

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Image borrowed from IMDB.com

Image borrowed from IMDB.com

For a while now I’ve wanted to talk about this movie, but haven’t been able to bring myself to do it.  Don’t ask why…I don’t know.

The Way refers to a trek known as el Camino de Santiago (the Way of St. James).  The 800 kilometer Way of St. James really exists, running from St. Jean Pied de Port, France to Santiago de Compostella.  In the movie The Way, Tom, played by Martin Sheen, is called to France to claim the body of his son, Daniel, who started the Way, but was killed in a sudden storm in the mountains.

It isn’t long when Tom decides to trek the Way that Daniel began.  Tom is angry and not a man of prayer, so setting out on a pilgrimage is a little odd, but armed with a box of Daniel’s ashes, he heads out.  He leaves small piles of ash at various points on the journey.  His intention may be to do the Way for his son, but Tom learns a lot about himself along the way.

Despite his constant requests for privacy and keeping to himself as much as possible, Tom is joined along the way by four individuals all as different as night and day.  Every time I see The Way I notice something different, so I’m sure if I review this post next year, I’ll have some completely different insights, but I finally feel like I have seen it enough times to do it some justice, so here we go.

You don’t choose a life, you live one:  Daniel travels and feels that he must see and experience all that life has to offer.  He and Tom disagree about the direction their lives are going.  Tom says, “It is the life I chose.”  Daniel responds with “You don’t choose a life, you live one.” 

How often do we find ourselves wrapped up in the daily grind, forgetting why we’re doing it in the first place?  I would suggest to you, that there is a happy medium.  You don’t have to travel the world to live life – Lord know that many do it, but it’s all work, or they feel like they have to check things off a list, but don’t bother to take in the true beauty of it all.  We’ve got to take in the true beauty of everyday life.  Make opportunities for memories but don’t forget to get lost in them from time to time.

When I was young, I was too busy.  Now that I am old, I am too tired:  This line hit me pretty hard.  I’m always begging people to let me get through the next big event before I have to worry about the issue looming.  Unfortunately, there’s always another big event and there’s always more issues.  But, deadlines have been a way to prioritize – and for a procrastinator, that’s been my method of operation for years.  I am trying to get better, but I still find myself longing for retirement, where I can do what I want, not having to worry about work deadlines and can move around more freely.  However, I have to remind myself that I run the risk of being “too tired” if I push everything off.  So, I encourage everyone to remember this phrase and live for today.  Maybe we can all hold each other accountable.  😉

Which guidebook are you using?  There is this competition between Tom and Joost over the “American Guidebook” or the “Dutch Guidebook.”  One is supposedly full of shortcuts and paths to the nearest party.  The other is supposed to be the preferred and most clear routes.  Neither is perfect and neither is the point of what I’m asking.  Think more globally – what guidebook(s) are you using for your life?    The Bible, the Catechism, the story or writings of your favorite saint, the latest self-help title, the Bhagavad Gita, the Koran?  The book is less of a concern, but how you live your life that matters.  Do you find yourself just going from party to party with no substance, or are you all substance with no party?  There is a happy medium between the two…  and that is the balance we’ve got to find before it’s too late.

Sometimes a dog fight near a cheese farm is just a dog fight near a cheese farm:  This is going to sound contradictory to 95% of what I say on this blog – but haven’t you known people who are so busy looking for meaning in everything that they miss what’s really going on. Our daily examination should help us find insight into what was important, and learn to downplay the things that really don’t mean anything.  We also have to realize that the meaning may not be obvious until some time later.

Why would you do The Way? They say you can’t do the Way for someone else, it is only for yourself.  What would make you take on a nearly 500 mile journey?  At 3 miles an hour, walking 12 hours a day – it would take two weeks. Would it be a prayer pilgrimage – saying continual rosaries, chanting novenas and such?  Would it be for health?  Would it be to clear you mind with hopes to hear the voice of God?  Would it be to meet people? 

Trekking the Way one of those things I’m putting on my bucket list, but I think God still has to tell me why.  It seems that way to many times I’ve been led into something for one reason, but it really works for others.  So, I don’t think it matters what I would think my reason for the trek would be, God will help me find what he wants me to find along the Way.The Way - Seashell

Make your own Way:  It’s obviously not in everyone’s life plan or abilities to make the pilgrimage of St. James.  However, you can make your own Way.  Pick small pilgrimages close to home.  Make mini pilgrimages in the back yard.  Join up with a group that you might not join and meet new people.  It’s all part of the Way.

For more information about the movie The Way, check out:  http://www.theway-themovie.com/

For more information about The Way of St. James, check out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Way_of_St._James

Buen Camino!!!

October Baby

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Image borrowed from IMDB.com

Image borrowed from IMDB.com

Psalm 139:13You formed my inmost being;you knit me in my mother’s womb.

I wasn’t going to do this one so soon – since it’s sooooo obvious what this one means, but it’s light of the Kermit Gosnell trial it seems like it is necessary.  In a way, the feelings Hannah displays are contrary to what we want to display.  But I think when you reflect on the film, you’ll see it might have been resolved if she’d been told her story from the beginning.

Our main character, Hannah collapses on stage.  In an attempt to determine what caused it, many tests are run – which point to one cause of her issues – her birth.  She was adopted after a failed abortion attempt.  She then sets out on a journey with her friend and what they learn along the way helps her realize what life is really all about.

Have you ever felt unwanted?  Hannah writes in her journal (which comes to light after this episode) that she feels “unwanted.”  She was not told she was adopted until that moment, and certainly was never told that she was the product of a failed abortion or that she had a twin.  There’s a couple of thoughts I have here…  first, that even at such a young age, she may have felt the impact of what her biological mother tried to do.  She may not have been conscious of it, but somehow she knew.  Could this have been curtailed if her adoptive parents had been honest with her?  Could that knowledge of being chosen, being wanted, help her get past what her biological mother did?  There are also many people who never endured the tragedies Hannah survived, but still feel unwanted.  Is there any way to help these lost souls?

What other ways do we feel unwanted?  Obviously, there are many.  When your teenage child says that he or she hates you, when you’re turned down by someone you have feelings for, or when you’re excluded from a gathering.  How do you deal with those feelings of being unwanted?  What insights can you offer to someone dealing with feelings of being unwanted?

“To be human is to be beautifully flawed”  Wow…  that it the nicest way of saying that we all mess up I think I’ve ever heard.  Its true, as are the statements that follow it in the movie.  We are “beautifully flawed.”  A few years ago, I was at a family reunion.  A couple of my teenage distant cousins were there obviously showing that they were expecting.  I happened to be talking to some other relatives who commented about how those girls could let that happen, and how it was going to wreck their lives.  My comment to them, was that if they’d aborted their babies, no one would have known about their little buns – but that by owning up and continuing – they were stronger and more courageous than they were being given credit for.  And now, they have beautiful babies – the families have pitched in to help.  Beauty has come out of a difficult – maybe even ugly situation.  Sometimes really wonderful things come out of those flaws… 

“When you hear something enough times, you start to believe it”  In this case it’s referring to the “tissue” that the doctor kept telling the nurse that babies being aborted were.  I wonder if many pro-choicers would really still be pro-choice if they actually saw the product of the abortions.  When I look at today’s ultrasounds, where you really see a three-dimensional image of the baby – I wonder if people will start realizing it now. I wonder why someone would kill a baby that is born alive, despite the attempt to kill it, when babies are in such demand amongst those looking to adopt.  I know there are abortion survivors out there.  They aren’t “just tissue” any more than the rest of us are.

This same concept can be applied to our news sources and what we surround ourselves with.  When all we see is trash, or surround ourselves with is trash, that is all we will believe.  We have got to surround ourselves with good – and look for good in others.  Remember the old adage, “I think, therefore I am.”  We’ve got to think positive, and be aware of what’s going on around us.

Another point to be made here is about how we treat each other.  “When you hear something enough times, you start to believe it.”  If people area always telling you that you’re no good, you start to believe it after a while.  Thus seems to be the point of trying to build a child’s self-esteem by telling them “you can do it” or otherwise reinforcing their talents and skills.  We’ve got to build people up, not tear them down.  We do, however, have to be careful.  “Building up” does not mean spoil the child.  I’m afraid too many mistake the two concepts.

“Only in forgiveness can we be free.”  Matthew 16:19 tells us, “I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven. Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”  That makes it sound as thought we have power over others – which in some ways we do, but it’s that last part we should concentrate on.  Staying intent on binding others to their sins isn’t good for us.  Sort of like taking poison and expecting others to die from it.  We have to forgive and leave the rest to God.  It will be healthier for us mentally and spiritually.  I’ll admit, I have problems with this one, especially when I’ve been wronged more than once by the same person or group…  But, in the end, it’s up to God and I’ve got to let Him do what He feels is best.

Ultimately, although rare, babies born as early as twenty weeks gestation can survive.  In looking at this film in light of the Gosnell case, it seems to me that too many people underestimate the sheer will to survive in babies.  So when one hears the horrors of snipping spinal cords and drownings in the toilet, it is especially discouraging.  Why, when people are paying thousands of dollars to adopt babies, so women feel like aborting is the only option?  While we have to help young people understand the difference between right and wrong…  we also have to help them understand that we will help them when they find themselves in such a position.  If we want them to make the right choice, they have to know they can count on us, despite whatever disappointment we might feel that they didn’t make the right decision at the time the child was conceived.

Truth be known, this film probably needs another post to fully discuss all that it offers, but for now, know that it is a good clean film.  It is however, very serious, and some of the discussions about the “procedure” may be too graphic for young ears.

God Bless!

Monsters, Inc.

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Monsters, Inc.

Borrowed from imdb.com

Henry J. Waternoose: Our city is counting on you to collect those screams. Without scream, we have no power. Yes, it’s dangerous work, and that’s why I need you to be at your best. I need scarers who are confident, tenacious, tough, intimidating. I need scarers like… like… James P. Sullivan.

Since it’s being re-released in 3-D, this seemed like a good time to talk about this great Pixar flick.  It may be animated, but there’s really a lot you can get out of it.

Remember when you were a kid and you were afraid of the monsters in the closet (or under the bed).  What if those monsters weren’t really mean…  but they needed the energy from your screams to power their world.  Well, that’s the story with two of our main characters, Mike (voice talents of Billy Crystal) and Sully (voice talents of John Goodman).  The funny thing, is that these monsters are as afraid of us as we are of them!!!  So when a little girl they lovingly call “Boo” gets into the monster world, it is not only unusual, but something that can get Mike and Sully in BIG trouble and bring all of Monstropolis to its knees.

So, what dare we learn from this monstrous hit…

We scare because we care:  This catchphrase for Monsters, Inc. actually is referring to the fact that they need to scare kids for energy.  However, isn’t this also something that seems to be required to help people understand safety rules?.  We tell them to be careful crossing the street because they might be hit by a car.  We know if we touch fire we can get burned.  In some cases we need to be scared to understand the importance of some safety rules.  Sadly, if people don’t feel threatened, they don’t pay attention.

Laughter works better than scream:  Now, this is going to sound like I’m doing a 180 degree turn from what I said in the previous paragraph, but, when we’re not talking about safety, being happy really does work better than beating people down.  They say that we “catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”  And that’s probably true (I’ve never really tried it to prove or disprove it)… but too often we seem to feel like “nice guys finish last” and use that to justify our actions.   But it’s true, admit it, laughter works better than scream.  We see that the “new” thing in companies like Pixar and Google is to create fun workplaces where you can bring your dog, hang out in comfy clothes and have toys around all day.  They find it increases productivity and makes it a place employees want to work.  What I find funny is how this seems to be a new thing.  Granted, this does mean that people do have to be motivated, need to set goals and actually get work done…  But why does it seem like it has to be in such a high pressure environment when companies are proving that a more “fun” atmosphere works well?Now, let’s take this outside the work world.  Can we employ this method in our families?  Remember Mary Poppins?  She encouraged that “in every job that must be done, there is an element of fun.”  Granted, she was making things fly around the room and such, but does it have to be that way?  I know in my extended family we’d all gather at Grandma’s where, after dinner, there were usually so many dishes and the house was so hot, that we went ahead and hand washed dishes rather than use the dishwasher.  It was usually “girl time” and we got to talk about things we didn’t care to share with the WHOLE dinner table.  It almost wasn’t something anyone minded because we enjoyed that time together.  It wasn’t unusual to break into song or something goofy like that.  We teased each other, laughed and learned.  We can apply this to learning and how we interact with those around us, try to be nice – and laugh when you can (it can be contagious!).

Loss of innocence:  One thing that is mentioned a couple of times during the movie is that children are losing their innocence at younger and younger ages.  Sadly, this one hits so close to home it’s not funny.  I know so many little ones who are watching R rated films that they don’t have to imagine much anymore.  I’ve known of several who felt like it was justified because they didn’t think their kids understood what they were seeing – until something happened one day to make them realize that their kids were understanding things more than they’d thought.  It seems that we’ve gotten to a point now that it will be hard to dial it back.  I just hope it’s not too late.  I’ll admit, we have to let them in on certain things to help keep them safe, but do they really need to see sex scenes, actual violence, vulgar language and various other improprieties for a young audience.  Any ideas on how to help get that innocence back?

Sometimes you’ve gotta growl:  Sometimes, you’ve done everything you can do not to, but sometimes, you’ve just got to growl.  And, it may scare those around us, but it is usually because we love them and we have to get something very important across to them.  Do try to make sure it’s not your first method of getting your point across though.  Be prepared – like I said, it may scare or upset, but when you consider what you’re trying to get across, sometimes it’s got to happen.

Don’t forget to file your paperwork:  Sorry, couldn’t resist!  So…  paperwork…  whether its taxes or children’s artwork, it’s still one we ought to keep in mind, both literally and metaphorically.  What other things might we need to file away – to keep properly stored for a later date?  To you, this could be anything…  finally putting together that scrapbook from your last family vacation, writing down your list of “to do’s” or making new memories with your kids…  This is the sort of thing that may seem silly or mundane, but needs to be done.

So, I hope you’ve gotten a few helpful points out of Monsters, Inc.  This is one of my (and my hubby’s fav’s).  I keep thinking if I have kids, a Monsters, Inc. theme would be awesome – and gender neutral.  😉  Maybe one day.  I promise this little flick has fun in it for kids and adults alike – Pixar really does some wonderful animation work!

God Bless you all!

 

What do The Golden Compass, The DaVinci Code and The Exorcist have in common?

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Since I’m having such a hard time finding time to talk about a movie at the moment, I wanted to take a minute to talk about the issue of controversial movies, especially those aimed at the Catholic Church. Every so often, one of these movies will come out – and some are clamoring to go see it, and others are immediately digging their feet in and trying to convince everyone not to. What’s sad is, all the controversy almost always gives more credit than is due to these type of debates. Now, I’m not talking about pornographic or those that are just downright morally offensive. I’m talking about those that are fiction, but appear to take jabs at the Church.

So, here’s my typical strategy… use these sort of films to open a discussion! If you haven’t seen what all the hype is about, it’s hard to counteract it. Most of these movies are at least moderately entertaining, or no one would watch them. I usually wait until they come to TV or some other inexpensive or free venue, and I watch them. I remind myself (and you) to keep in mind the background of the film. If it’s fiction, remember that! Next, what issues did you have with the film, or what issues have you heard were problematic? Do some research on those things if you can’t answer them outright and proceed from there. Now, when people try to tell you things like “If you wanna know about the history of the Catholic Church, watch The DaVinci Code!” You can answer, with some understanding, what points were true and what points were not. I mean, when even the History Channel debunked The DaVinci Code, there are lots of points to be made. But do it calmly. Try not to let things get heated or flustered. That detracts from your point. Now when you hear about the bad guys, known as the Magisterium in the Golden Compass, you’ll understand why many in the Church saw it as a slam. What about a movie like the original “The Exorcist?” Why did the Church take issue with it? Go through the list.

Offer alternatives when you can. The perfect example is The Exorcism of Emily Rose – which was highly regarded as the best portrayal of an Exorcism that Hollywood has produced versus The Exorcist which deals with a doubting priest. If they see a film that paints a pope, saint or other figure in a negative light, surely if they’re worth arguing over, there is another one out there that is in line with what we understand to be true.

The key is to use them to help educate. They’ve already seen the film, in most cases, so which would you rather, help them understand the right way to see the Church, let them keep thinking that what they saw was true, or worse yet, add fuel to the fire by being hateful and demanding?

So, here’s the next question I get… what about letting your kids see these movies? For example, the Golden Compass was marketed toward kids. I got numerous e-mails about why not to let your kids see them, and many wanting me to send out something to our whole church. I suggested instead that they sit down with their kids, explain why they didn’t want them to see the movie, and if possible – eventually see it together (I do suggest parents screen films first, if possible) and discuss it with their child(ren). Help them to understand that there is a difference between the movie and what we believe – and explain those differences as best you can. That way, you won’t just be Mean Mommy… but you’ve helped them understand another aspect of our faith that they might not have gotten otherwise. And then, you never know… they might not be so fascinated with seeing a sequel! 😉

I hope that helps. God Bless!

 

In Her Shoes

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Borrowed from IMDB.com

Borrowed from IMDB.com

Maggie Feller: I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. Anywhere I go, you go, my dear. And whatever is done by only me… is your doing, my darling. I fear no fate… for you are my fate, my sweet. I want no world, for, beautiful… you are my world, my true. Here is the deepest secret no one knows. Here is the root of the root… and the bud of the bud… and the sky of the sky of a tree called life… which grows higher than the soul can hope… or mind can hide. It is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.

Okay, so now its time to get in touch with the feminine…  Sorry guys, but this one is a chick flick.  Not to say you can’t get something out of it, but I’m just saying that the ladies in your life will probably identify with this one more than you will.

In Her Shoes is a story of sisters, their differences and the bond they share with their family.  Toni Collette plays Rose, the straight-laced and responsible sister.  Then there’s the flighty, flirtatious and frustrating Maggie, played by Cameron Diaz.  As different as these two sisters are, they need each other.  Their mother died when they were young.  Their father re-married a woman they don’t like and have been sheltered from a grandmother who had just a bit of a tendency to try to tell everyone what to do.  But, the girls are divided when Maggie breaks the oldest of the girl codes, by sleeping with Rose’s boyfriend.  Maggie has managed to burn her last bridge with everyone close to her.  But as luck would have it, in the process of pilfering around for cash, finds out about a Grandmother she thought was dead.  So, she takes off for a retirement home in Florida to sponge of her Grandmother.  In the meantime, Rose quits her job, gets a new boyfriend and tries to act like Maggie didn’t exist.

While in Florida, Maggie bonds with the Grandma she barely remembers and takes a job in the nursing center. There, she befriends a blind man who helps her build confidence in something other than her looks.  Rose does some growing of her own, but all the questions about Maggie’s whereabouts plaque her.  Then, Rose learns that there’s a Grandmother she didn’t know about, and she heads off to Florida and she finds herself face to face with Maggie.  During the visit, the girls start sharing and learn a little family history.  I’ll leave the rest to you to see for yourself.

Okay, so I promised that there was something to learn from this…  grab those Jimmy Choo’s and let’s go!

1.  Family is….  well, complicated.  Okay, so this one is a “no-brainer.”  As much as we need family, we really can hurt the ones we love the most.  Add to that, the fact that sometimes the ones we love need us to step back and let them make mistakes.  It’s hard to know when to hold them close and when to step back and it is such a fine line that it’s almost invisible.  However if we really listen to them, we should be able to find it before it’s gets too much either way.  They say we’re given one mouth and two ears for a reason.  So maybe our loved ones don’t need to hear every way they’re wrong.  I’ve got to get better at this one myself.

2.  There is a bond between sisters.     Between a combination of God’s grace, circumstance and parents who apparently liked each other, I have three sisters.  We are all very different, but each of us shares a different bond with each other.  There are fourteen years difference between the ages of oldest and the youngest.  We’ve set rules between us – we may not have written them down, but over time they’ve been established by years of being together as a family.  The topics we talk about, those we don’t…  and those we just shake our head at.  We see that with Rose and Maggie.  They share everything.  You can tell that when Rose and Maggie are reunited, Maggie is upset that she’s missed out on some major changes in Rose’s life.  And, as much as she wants to, Rose can’t stay angry with Maggie.  What I find fascinating is that Simon picks up on the how Maggie’s absence affects Rose.  As much as he loves her, he can tell that something is wrong…  he can’t seem to put his finger on it, but when he meets up with Rose in Florida, he can tell she’s back to herself.  He could see that Rose was not whole without Maggie.

3.  Perspective makes a difference.  It’s always amazing to me how two people can witness the same events and have completely different conclusions about them.  In the case of Rose and Maggie, the fact that Maggie was very little and was isolated from a lot of the craziness surrounding their early childhood and the death of their mother may have spared her a lot of the seriousness that Rose embodies.  Somehow, Rose always knew that her mother committed suicide but that was a new revelation to Maggie, who had always seen her Mother’s irregular behavior as just being really fun.  She recounts a story of her mother putting a tiara in her lunchbox one day.  The thought it was awesome that she got a tiara, however, she didn’t get lunch. Perspective. 

4.  Find what you love and stick with it.  I’ve said it over and over again, but it bears repeating.  Maggie discovers she has a talent for shopping for the ladies in the retirement village.  She loves to shop, and she manages to put it to use helping ladies these ladies to dress for weddings and other special events without having to fight shopping with their walkers, limited energy and various ailments.  She loves it and is good at it.  At the same time, Rose, quits working as a lawyer.  Simon tells her he thought it was because she loved it.  She admits, however, that it was not that she loved it, but that she was afraid of who she would be without it.  How often do we find ourselves doing something because it’s all we know (and not in a good way)?  It’s risky, and very scary, but something to think about.

5.  Don’t use people.  Help users find their niche.  I know, it’s obvious, but Maggie uses the people in her life until they can’t stand it anymore.  Her Grandmother allows it for a little while, but then manages to find a compromise where Maggie feels like she’s gaining and is able to build up some confidence.  I really don’t think she felt confident enough in herself to do any better before the deal.  Maybe that’s because she was babied her whole life, or maybe she just figured out that it worked and stuck with it.  Either way, it appears that once she really has a direction, the using stops.  One of the best methods of discipline is redirection.  How can we channel negative behaviors into positive ones?

In Her Shoes is rated PG-13 for good reason.  We start off with both Rose and Maggie having intercourse with their respective partners, and there is more as the movie progresses.  But for the most part, that’s over once the big fight erupts.  There’s also some innuendo and senior men gawking at Maggie strutting around in a string bikini and various low-cut or revealing outfits.

Whether you have a sister, or not, I hope you have someone you feel like you can share things with and I pray you won’t ever have to be tested in the manner that the relationship between Rose and Maggie is tested.  God Bless!

Rounders

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image borrowed from Wikipedia

image borrowed from Wikipedia

Mike McDermott: You can’t lose what you don’t put in the middle. [pause] But you can’t win much either.   (Source:  IMDB.com)I don’t know what it is about Rounders – maybe it is the fact that I first saw it while I was spending a semester abroad in Rome, maybe I’m just a Matt Damon fan…  or maybe I’m just a sucker for a good movie where the underdog comes out ahead, I don’t know…  I really can’t tell you why I like Rounders…  I just do.

We see Matt Damon’s character, Mike McDermott seems like he has a pretty good life; he’s a law student who’s apparently doing well, got a girlfriend who is also in law school, and things just appear to be going in the right direction.  However, when his childhood friend, Lester “Worm” Murphey, played by Ed Norton, gets released from prison, his whole world get turned upside down.  We learn that Mike is a former gambler and apparently used to get into a lot of trouble with Worm and that Worm took the fall, refusing to rat out Mike, a debt Mike still feels like he owes and Worm is all-too-willing to remind him of.

So, with all the gambling, language and nudity we see in Rounders, what can we learn?  I know you’re expecting me to say “know when to hold them, and know when to fold ’em,” admit it!!  =)

1.  Loyalty is wonderful, but sometimes you do have to let the past be the past.  So Mike feels like he owes Worm.  It’s honorable that he respects that life he has could have been very different if Worm hadn’t covered for him.  However, when you see how poorly Worm treats him and how manipulative Worm is, you’ll understand.  We also have to consider that people change.  We don’t get to see what the relationship was like when Mike and Worm were kids.  The relationship may not always have been that bad, we may have to realize that part of Worm’s problem is the time he spent in the system and how he learned to cope.  But no matter what, I’m not saying to turn on Worm immediately, but Mike probably should have set some limits much earlier in the game.

2.  Listen to those with experience.  Mike definitely has people who both serve as consultors and guardian angels.  Joey Knish keeps alerting Mike to issues, so does Petra, plus Professor Petrovsky is like the wise old sage.  Some of them Mike does a better job of listening to than others…  But he finally wised up and realized that they weren’t trying to hold him back, only help.  It’s hard to see that sometimes.  We all want to think we’re in control – but, that certainly isn’t always the case.  Sadly, even Jo has been down this road with Mike before, but he doesn’t listen to her and she finally gets fed up and leaves him.  If Mike had listened to any of them, he could have been spared a lot of pain.

3.  You can’t lose what you don’t put in the middle. But you can’t win much either.  I like to apply this one to just about anything you really want to do in life – and maybe even the things you don’t.  You don’t like math, you don’t invest yourself in it, you’re not going to get much out of it.  No matter what you want, you have to put in the effort.  The same goes for our faith.  We have to put a little work in to get anything out of it.  I get really frustrated with the “pew potatoes” that want to gripe about church, about not understanding the Mass, the Bible or the Catechism but won’t bother to try to remedy it and through self-study or learning opportunities at church.  Put in the effort – you may not be rewarded in the way you think, but you will be rewarded.

4. Know your limits.  Now, don’t take this to think I’m rescinding the previous paragraph or that there’s no point in dreaming, or working toward a goal.  But, you do have to know when you really need to change the game plan. You do have to consider how your decisions will affect not just you, but your family and others who depend on you.  You have to consider if the risk is worth the price.

5.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  When Mike finally realizes the depth of his trouble he does get help.  It’s humbling, but sometimes we really have to do it.  Asking for help takes many forms, it can be financial, educational, social, spiritual, etc.  We all have to do it at some point – we aren’t perfect, as much as we may strive to be.

Gambling addiction…  now, I didn’t mention anything about gambling addiction because I don’t think that’s what this movie is about.  There may be some addiction, but I think the point of the movie is the bond between Worm and Mike, and showing how two boys raised in similar straits are set apart by one event that affects them the rest of their lives, and how they deal with that based on their experiences.

So, Rounders is rated R for good reason.  I was serious about the gambling (duh), nudity (some scenes are set in a strip club, plus others that are just a way to show how bad things are), and the language is at times very vulgar.  But I don’t think we’d get a true sense of the seriousness of the setting if the filmmaker had toned things down for a PG-13 rating.  So don’t plan on watching it with youngsters around.  But, it’s still an enjoyable movie and one with a few good lessons if you’re willing to give it a chance.

With Honors

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With HonorsMonty: Why did you say that I was a loser?
Simon Wilder: Winners forget they’re in a race, they just love to run. You try too hard.

Monty: Simon wrote his own obituary, and he asked me to read it. “Simon B. Wilder bit it on Wednesday.”
[they laugh]
Monty: “He saw the world out of the porthole of a leaky freighter, was a collector of memories, and interrupted a lecture at Harvard. In 50 years on earth he did only one thing he regretted. He is survived by his family: Jeff Hawks, who always remembers to flush; Everett Calloway, who knows how to use words; Courtney Blumenthal, who is strong, and also knows how to love; and by Montgomery Kessler, who will graduate life with honor, and without regret.”

Quotes borrowed from:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111732/quotes?ref_=tt_trv_qu

Years back, I got the opportunity to spend a semester in Rome.  In preparations for the trip, a student who had been the previous semester was advising the group of us to make sure we really took in the sights we were going to be encountering; clarifying that he saw too many people who were so focused on capturing the sights through the lens of a camera and not ever stopping to just take in the beauty that the camera can’t capture.  That same advice would have been ignored by our lead character, Monty, played by Brendan Frasier until a series of events brings the homeless Simon Wilder, played by Joe Pesci, into Monty’s life.  Simon, on the other had – would have been content to catalog his experiences in a series of rocks, rather than miss the breathtaking scenes around him.

With Honors begins with Monty meeting with a professor about his thesis and Monty is assured that if all continues on the path he will graduate Summa Cum Laude.  But, when a computer meltdown sends him running to copy his only hardcopy of the first ten chapters, Monty manages to drop his precious thesis and it falls into the boiler room of Harvard’s Widner Library.  So, Monty sneaks to get his paper only to find it being tossed page by page into a furnace by Simon.  They strike a deal, that for each good thing Monty does for Simon, he gets one page of his precious thesis.  It is through this process that not only does Monty learn to see life as something more than a series of tasks, but he also learns that even a homeless bum is a human and therefore precious.

So, I’ve already told you to two of the biggest lessons…but how, and what else can we pull out of With Honors? 

1.  There’s nothing wrong with achievement, but don’t lose yourself along the way.  Whatever it is that drives Monty, his childhood, his desire to do good in the world or the desire to be the best; he’s so bogged down in the academic that he’s missing college life, ignoring his feelings and not seeing the good he could do now.  Monty’s page-by-page interaction with Simon forces him to slow down and to re-evaluate life (and his thesis).

2.  All human life is precious.  Simon is a bum.  He’s well-travelled and self-educated, but for whatever reason, is a homeless wino who left his wife and young son many years prior.  Monty starts off helping him only because his thesis is being held for ransom.  Monty’s roommates don’t want anything to do with him…he is ridiculed by one of Monty’s professors and basically everyone he encounters.  While visiting his son, a little girl comes running out and asks her daddy (Simon’s son) who the man in their driveway is, to which he replies “nobody.”  But Simon is human, as are all those who are in similar straits as well as the affluent.  One of Monty’s roommates, Jeff, is particularly scared by Simon.  Finally Simon calls him on it telling him that the reason Jeff doesn’t like him is because Simon looks how Jeff feels.  I wonder if that’s true for a lot of us…

3.  The best relationships come from friendship. Monty is in love with his roommate, Courtney.  They are obviously very close friends… but with a little push from Simon, Monty finally lets Courtney know how he feels.

4.  You can do your best to right your wrongs, but people may still hold a grudge. Simon goes to visit his son and it’s pretty clear that his son isn’t about to “forgive and forget.”  But, you can only do so much.  Maybe, if Simon could have lived longer he’d have seen a true reconciliation with his son.  But, given the constraints of his life, he didn’t have much choice.  So, you have to do what you can do…  but in the end, you have to live with the consequences and forgive yourself when there’s nothing else left.  The other line behind this is – do what you can not to have to right any wrongs.

5.  Sometimes the biggest regrets are not the things you’ve done, but the things that are left undone. How often do you wish you’d taken a chance?  What about telling someone special how you feel?  It takes a little prodding, but finally Monty gets it.  Simon finally goes to see his Son.  It didn’t go well, but he did it, he got to see his granddaughter.  Maybe if he could have stepped up the pace a little – things might have gone differently.  In any case, I’m not saying that you need to jump on every opportunity or chance for change that breezes past.  We do need to make decisions about which ones are really important, and which ones we need to allow to float past.  Maybe the question to ask yourself is “Will this be something I will really care about in 5, 10 or 20 years?”

6.  Write your own obituary.  In the film, Simon has a collection of obituaries and is studying them to write his own.  Simon actually writes that he “bit it” and lists that he left his wife and son, owning up publicly to something he could easily have chosen to keep private, sort of a public confession.  Have you ever thought about your obituary?  What points of your life would you want in print?   Does your family know what to put in for you?  Take the time to write it.  Does it make you see your life differently?  Does it make you feel like you’re busy for nothing?  You might find it helpful in prioritizing your life, but maybe it can also be something that can help your family in the event of your demise.  Hopefully, you’ll get to revise it MANY times before such an event happens, but none-the-less, it might be a great starting point for that end of life planning you’ve been putting off.

With Honors is PG-13 for good reason.  The “end” of Monty’s friendship with Courtney is left to the imagination although they are in bed together at one point. There is a quick shot of Monty’s rear when he jumps out of bed to help Simon.  Other than that, there are a lot of sex jokes and innuendo that infiltrate most of the movie.  But, if you’re wavering, I’d say the lesson learned is important enough to make it worthy.  It might also be that you could use clips to illustrate certain points about seeing others as human and how we can help each other.

Despicable Me

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Despicable MeEdith: When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this’d be more like Annie.

Gru: [reading the book he wrote] One big unicorn, strong and free, thought he was happy as he could be. Then three little kittens came around and turned his whole life upside down. They made him laugh, they made him cry. He never should have said goodbye. And now he knows he can never part from those three little kittens that changed his heart.

For more info, check out http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1323594/

So Gru is the bad guy that we find ourselves identifying with many times…  I think that’s why we love him.  Gru is the sort of guy who moves cars when the parking spot he wants isn’t available.  He gets tired of waiting in line for coffee, so he freezes all those in between, grabs the coffee from the barista and goes on about his day.  Admit it, some part of you says “Yeah, there’s days I wish I could do that!”  Okay…  but Gru does go farther.  He’s a thief – and not petty crime…  major landmarks (well, sort of!).  So, in his bid for title of ultimate evil villain, he sets his sights on stealing THE MOON!  And, what does a vilian who needs a little bank roll to get him started on a plot to steal the moon, he goes to the Bank of Evil.  Make sure you pay attention to all the banking scandal references here, and the caryatids!  And, it is here that Gru meets his new nemesis – Vector.  But, he needs Vector, but you don’t just ask your nemesis for the tool he has that you need.  Nope, a good vilian- and one who has to prove himself – has to find a way to steal it.  That’s where three little orphan girls come in.   Gru sees the girls selling cookies door to door and notices how easily they are granted access to people’s homes as they sell & deliver the cookies…  what a great distraction!  So Gru lies to the woman running the orphanage (who isn’t very nice to the girls either) and goes home with three sweet, energetic and slightly precocious little girls; Margo, Edith & Agnes.  In essence the girls save Gru and he finds his true calling.

This is a very cute, funny and absolutely precious movie.  So, if you haven’t seen it yet, check it out.  I believe it’s on Netflix and it runs on TV intermittently.  It seems to appeal to both men and women as well as boys and girls.

So, what does Despicable Me teach us?  There’s a few things here…

1.  Crime doesn’t pay.  Despite what you’d be led to believe at the Bank of Evil, crime doesn’t pay for either of our villains.  Don’t get me wrong, they have nice houses and have profited from their past endeavors, but neither villain profits from the current escapade.  In fact, monetarily, both lose out.

2.  New isn’t always better, just different.  Vector is the new guy.  He thinks he’s better and smarter than Gru, but there are times that Gru’s ways just work better.  Let’s just say, experience.  Gru’s methods are a little slower and maybe even a little more clumsy, but he gets results.  Vector relies so much on technology that even though he thinks he’s ready for everything, he misses a few things.

3.  Teamwork!  Gru is a team player.  He relies on Dr. Nefario, for inventions, his minions for base operations support as well as using their various talents on his missions, and he relies on the girls.  Vector uses technology as his “team,” but since they’re all his inventions, they share his short-sightedness.  Gru discusses and works out plans with his team.  All the players are working toward a goal, and also watch out for each other.

4.  The right decisions aren’t always easy.  Gru is faced with a very tough decision.  Be with the girls, whom he has grown to love, or continue with his master plan of stealing the Moon.  Dr. Nefario helps with this decision by having the girls sent back without Gru’s permission…  So Gru trudges on.  However, he has second thoughts and tries to right his wrong.

5.  You can overcome your childhood.  Gru’s mom was not one to give love easily.  In fact, she’s pretty mean.  Not the sort of “slap you around” type mean, but probably the worse one, psychological.  She’s always taking cheap shots at Gru, undermining his dreams and intelligence, and may even be the reason he decided to become a villan in the first place.  I mean, if you are raised thinking you can’t do any good, why not jut plan on being bad?  Now, PLEASE don’t take this to mean that a traumatic childhood can’t affect you.  But sometimes, those struggles, as awful as they may be, can lead us to help others in a way we might not have thought of otherwise.  Like I’ve said before, sometimes – just doing the opposite of the example we’re given can be a huge service to others!

6.  Love triumphs.  So, like I said, Gru tries to right his wrong and get the girls back.  As much as he tried not to, those girls melted his iron maiden heart and he began doing things for them, not just making deals with them to get what he wants.  And, on top of that, he finally gets kinds words from his mother.

7.  It’s okay for our only talent, to be loving others.  So, Gru isn’t the smoothest villan.  He hasn’t had the best luck in being a vilian…but we see that once he opens his heart to love, that his is wonderful at it.  Have you ever noticed that a loving individual lights up a room, gets other people to feel safe and all in all is just a joy to be around.  Those dear angels give us a glimpse of God’s unfathomable love.  I just hope we follow that example and bring that love to others!

So, you know in the beginning when I said we all have this part of us that identifies with Gru?  Well, I hope that you find that to be true – but in his love!

God Bless!

The Letter Writer

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So I had a quiet day at the office doing simple tasks like licking about 500 envelopes, so I put my Netflix account to use and stumbled upon The Letter Writer.  It’s another one that I never heard about but found it to be quite a gem.  So teenage singer Maggie has been having trouble at school and at home… her best friend betrays her, but just prior to all the mess, she receives a seemingly personal  letter from someone she doesn’t know.  It’s not the sort of personal letter that a stalker would send, but an uplifting and inspiring one.  A quick run through her family doesn’t find the letter’s author, so the resourceful young lady heads to the post office, where a carrier just happens to have another letter written to someone else but in the same handwriting.  So the chase leads to a retirement home – and luck or divine providence leads her to the letter’s author, Sam.

She is led through all the things Sam does.  He teachers her very valuable life lessons – and she has a bit of a conversion.  I’ll leave the summary there so I don’t spoil it any more than I already have…

So, what do we learn in The Letter Writer?  First, do what you do to the best of your ability.  Sam (the Letter Writer) writes beautiful, encouraging notes that uplift and inspire.  He does it every day and for random strangers.  Maggie asks him to teach her, but he says that he doesn’t know if it’s her gift.  She has to find her own gift and use it to help others.  Maybe it is letter writing, but most likely, it’s not.

Second, little things.  Sort of like in Contact, it’s the small moves.  Sam writes notes.  Not novels, not newspaper articles…  notes.  Small gestures, that mean the world to the recipients.  Sometimes just little things that are done do more than huge overtures.

The next lesson is about using your gifts to help others.  Sam could have used his talents to write a novel, or something else, but instead, he chose to bless others with his eloquent words through the letters and notes.  Maggie loves to sing, and finds her voice is her talent, and uses it to bring joy to others.  She also records books onto CD for a young boy in her building with cancer.  What talents do you have?  Are you using them at all?  Are you working on them?  Are you using them to help others?  Sometimes its hard to see how you can use your talents…  you think they’re not helpful to others – but for most every talent, there’s a need.  Maybe you have a great mind for tax law – can you give some time to help someone who cannot afford hiring someone to do their taxes and is not able to do it themselves.  Maybe you think you have a silly talent – organize a silly talent show and take it on the road to the local nursing homes or one big show for a favorite charity – or specifically invite those who don’t get to get out much…  Offer small classes with your talents.  You never know when someone is just looking for a reason to get out of the house.  There’s always something that can be done.

Also notice that Sam doesn’t force his talent on Maggie.  I’m sure he was honored that she wanted to learn how to write letters as he does, but he recognized that she was being called to something else.  Sometimes that’s the hardest thing, isn’t it…  to help others recognize their talents?  We tend to think people know what they’re good at, but how often do we see people frustrated and feeling inadequate.  It’s usually because they really don’t know where they fit, or because they just don’t have enough confidence in what they do.  We can help them find their place, it may take some time, but everyone has something.

Another great lesson is have something worth getting up for each day.  It appears that Sam has no living family, just his friends in the nursing home.  But, he sets his mind to write these letters and notes every day to have something to get up for.  I once heard that George Burns even at a very advanced age had planned events as much as ten years down the road.  It gave him a reason to keep going.  I’ve even heard that many animals live longer if they feel like they have something to do.  I think, simply put, we need something to help keep up our will to live.  What are your reasons to get up each day?

Another lesson Sam passes to Maggie is the age-old – surround yourself with the sort of people you want to be.  If you are a liar and cheat, you will attract those sort of people and you’ll never be able to trust them.  But if you surround yourself with people you aspire to be more like (hopefully faith filled people, whatever your faith), you’ll find yourself falling more easily into habits of prayer, joy and love.  He also teaches her to support those you love.  He and a friend come to Maggie’s concert, even though it’s not their type of music.

I hope, that whatever your reasons for getting up each day, you’ll take part of it to try to help brighten someone else’s day.  Even if it’s just holding a door open with a smile.  I also challenge you to try to discern (if you haven’t already) how your talent(s) can benefit others and how you can help others identify their talents!

God Bless!

The Music Never Stopped

27 Thursday Dec 2012

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Borrowed from IMDB.com

Borrowed from IMDB.com

Have you ever thought about a soundtrack to your life?  What do you think of when you hear a wedding march?  What about when you hear Taps?  What about if I started singing “Soft kitty, warm kitty..?”  All those songs have a particular meaning or memory attached to them.  I remember one particular song from my grandfather’s funeral and I have to choke back tears every time I hear it.  How did you decide what the first song you would dance to with your new husband / wife?  Why is that dance so important – how has that tradition lasted so long when so many other wedding traditions have been deemed passe?I don’t remember ever seeing a trailer for The Music Never Stopped, but this is one to catch if you missed it the first time through.  In the story, a phone call reunites a couple (Henry & Helen Sawyer) with their son, Gabriel, who had walked out about 20 years prior.  When they meet him, he has a brain tumor and had been living on the streets for some time.  The tumor is benign, but since it had gone untreated so long, his brain is damaged, preventing him from making memories.

Gabriel appears to be living in a nearly comatose state and only seems to be able to communicate using rhymes and songs.  So Henry enlists a Music Therapist to help Gabriel using the music he thinks Gabriel should respond to.  What happens next is that Gabriel responds to a different tune more consistent with his adolescent years.  In grappling with that Henry learns how to interact with his son in a new way – and even create new memories!  If you’re a “Dead Head,” a fan of the Beatles, Buffalo Springfield or any other similar bands of that era, you’ll be in Heaven musically!

So what can we take from The Music Never Stopped?  This family is all about music.  Henry is a big fan of Count Basie, Bing Crosby and classical music.  He raised Gabriel with an appreciation of this music, quizzing him on artists, years, and stories behind each song or why it is important to their family story.  Gabriel learned a lot while listening to all those greats.  In this case, music was used to help learn facts – not just through the music, but about the music and about their family.  Music was a way to open a conversation until they no longer had the same music in common.

In his teens, Gabriel joined a band and his musical tastes changed.  To Henry, this divides them.  He no longer has the common music bond to keep the conversation running.  He actually blames the music for his son’s rebellion.  Helen however, listens to Gabriel’s music as it reminds her of when he played in the band (before his illness), and helps her remember what he was like then.  Again, memories are attached to the music, a common theme throughout the movie.

We see Gabriel come alive when the right sort of music is played.  For Gabriel, that means the Grateful Dead, the Beatles, and many others.  Henry’s frustrations and fears of the time when Gabriel left all come back with a fury and he’s ready to give up on the whole thing.  However, he finally learns that in order to reach his son, and bridge the gap that forced their family division, he will have to give Gabe’s music a shot.  He lets Gabriel explain to him the meaning behind the lyrics and the relationship begins to bloom.

Mass music is a constant debate around my work these days.  Many of our youth are begging for more contemporary music while right now, the only book they are allowed to use only has a handful of tunes more recent than 1980.  For some, that’s “contemporary,” but not for these kids who were all born after 1990.  I consider myself a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to Mass – however now that we have a Latin Mass here, according to them I’m a liberal, but that’s a whole other issue.  But regardless, I do find that many of the old traditional tunes very moving.  I get goose bumps every time I hear the traditional Ave Maria.  However, I’ve also found several contemporary tunes that move me.  So, it’s a debate of old verses new.  Is there a right or wrong?  To some, there’s only one way.  But, to me, it’s an opportunity to teach.  Start with where they are, meet them on their level, but then bring in some of the old, help them gain an appreciation for it.  You can’t force it…  but you can work things in.  As it is, many contemporary Catholic artists are using some of the old with a slight twist – what a great way to start bridging the gap. Check out Matt Maher’s Adoration or Curtis Stephen’s In Paradisum if you want to see examples of what I’m talking about.

So back to my original question:  What is the soundtrack to your life?  Do you try to listen to what your children, students or others are listening to, or do you block it all out?  I encourage everyone to do the same thing with music that I’m trying to do with film – reach people!

Another question:  We see Gabriel learning to interact and retain memories using music.  Do we use music enough in Catechesis?  If you don’t use music, did this movie help convince you how it can help?  I always liked to use it to help introduce or reinforce a topic.  How many us remember the Preamble to the Constitution thanks to School House Rock?  Sadly, I can only recite the Prayer of St. Francis if I sing it in my head (or out loud)…  But also, knowing some people are not so moved by music, what other methods can we use to help make learning stick?  Check out materials on Multiple Intelligences!  You’d be surprised how much it can help!

The Music Never Stopped is rated PG.  It’s not something little ones would be interested in, but is clean and great for opening discussion about music, but most importantly – what moves us!!

For more information about The Music Never Stopped check out:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1613062/